Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
