found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
