There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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