i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
