In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize