I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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