She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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