On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
