She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
