im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
