Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
