I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
