put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Even my vagina gasped.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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