It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize