ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
