I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
