I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
