just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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