There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
