So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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