are you still at the devil's house?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
