it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
