awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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