We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
