but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize