I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
