Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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