Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
