I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
