did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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