I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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