I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
