I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
