Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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