I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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