Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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