He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We left an ass print on the piano.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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