i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
