He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
