I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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