We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
