Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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