My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
