don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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