I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can i not drive my cunt home
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
