Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
