my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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