Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
try to milk me bitch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
