dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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