So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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