Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
