Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
