having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
