A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
