12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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