Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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