dude i'm inner monologue high
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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