I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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