he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
