you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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