3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he thought i was a dude.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
