i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize