We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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