She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
