i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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