I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
