he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sarcasm needs its own font
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
