I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
