FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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