Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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