My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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