I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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