I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize