Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
