Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
